its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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