I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
