you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
