omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
