Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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