My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
