dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize