THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
