Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
