Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pooping to opera.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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