Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
