i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
