We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
