Plan B is the new Plan A
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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