addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
