I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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