Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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