She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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