My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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