Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
only if we run a train.
done.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
