there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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