I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
