Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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