In the future we'll all be gay
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
