My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
