I wish I could punch you in the face.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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