Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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