My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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