She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
