at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
