I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
