i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
