Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
