whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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