dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize