Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
