I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
