i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
