he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
