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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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