Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
