i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
