now i know why i became what i already was.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
