This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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