I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
that is very illegal...i love you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
