Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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