Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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