She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
