i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
