you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
