you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
