his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
