Those balls look pretty dangerous.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
