i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
