how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
