The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
