Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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