When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
