Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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