Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
