I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
