PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
