I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
