her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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