...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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