my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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