Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize