GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
