Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
