I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize