I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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