In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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