i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
