No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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