Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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