haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
