make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
